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…and the Journey continues… One of my favorite scriptures that has been written on my heart since 2006, and one of the foundations of HeartQuest, is this one:

Hosea 2:14-15. “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make her Valley of Achor a door of hope.” 

Some translations say He will speak “kindly” and “gently” to her. Until my Journey into healing, I don’t remember knowing that God could speak “kindly” to us. How many of you grew up with the picture of God as a hard-to-please Father full of “thou shalt nots”, holding up a list of things and adding, “if you do, I’m going to punish you good.” I remember my siblings and I saying “if it’s fun, it’s probably sin”…. And we made up a little song to drive my mom crazy on our long drives back and forth to church: “read your Bible and pray, that’s all you can do every day.” Who knew that He’s not like that? If you raised your hand, I’m envious of you! When I had finally come to the end of my rope, and He came and rescued me, He began to dismantle all the lies that had been my “truths” and replace them with this one: GOD IS LOVE. Always has been, always is, and always will be. And everything that He does, is from that heart of love for His kids. As He drew me to the Journey that would lead me ultimately into the Heart of that Father, He used to show up in HUGE ways — those TaDa! moments— because that’s the only way I could hear Him. This story is one of those first times that I “heard” His Voice inside my heart, drawing me with such tenderness to come follow Him…

I’d been on my Healing Journey with Him for about a year. Along with a group of friends, we were deep into a Bible study by Beth Moore: “Breaking Free.” Almost every morning, I would awaken before the alarm clock went off, and realize that my soul was in the middle of a worship song. I would come up out of bed with a huge smile on my face and join in singing. This was one of those mornings. As I showered and dressed for work, my insides overflowed with worship and awe of this God who had come for me…for ME! I had backed the car into the garage the night before, and as the garage door opened, this huge full moon was lighting up the yard in majestic brilliance. The beautiful scene took my breath away and tears were flowing already. (I had learned to not put my makeup on until I got to work because these 30-minute early morning drives to work were frequently met with tears…good tears.) I turned my headlights off — there was no need.  The minute I left my driveway and headed down the road, I began to hear this beautiful quiet Voice speaking to me inside my heart with such kindness and tenderness, Words that were not coming from my head. I was captivated as He said: 

     “You know that the moon has no light of its own, right? What you are seeing is the light of the sun…the moon is just doing what I created it to do. It’s hanging where I placed it, being the moon, reflecting the sun.” And then a pause as I took that in…a Selah moment. He continued with such quiet love, “that’s what I want YOU to do, sweet baby, I want you to be a moon and reflect the S-O-N.” He spelled it just like that for me. And He called me “sweet baby.” I was undone. My heart was His. What could I say but YES, I’ll try so hard to do that…with all my might, I will try. Little did I know what I had just signed up to for my life….but He did.

I basked in that moment and those words all day. And the next night at Bible study, I shared it with my group, starting with “did anyone see that beautiful full moon 2 nights ago?” They were all touched by the story. After a few days went by, however, another voice with condemning thoughts rose up….who did I think I was? Would God really talk to ME? Everyone knows that the moon reflects the sun — maybe my mind just made up the conversation. That would make a lot more sense than trying to believe that there is a God who would actually take time out of His extremely busy schedule to visit with me in my car….really, who did I think I was?? The Glory slowly faded and I began to feel a little embarrassed that I had told my friends about it….

You can see that God had His Hands full when He took on the task of healing my heart, but He was up to the challenge! A few days later, I made a run to Mardel’s to pick up a CD that one of my friends had mentioned at Bible study. I wanted to have it ready to play for them the next meeting. I’m standing in the music section, and in my peripheral vision to my right, in the distance I saw a wall covered with t-shirts. It felt like I was placed on a moving walkway, like those at the airports, and was slowly transported to a spot standing in front of that wall. There were probably forty t-shirts on the wall, each one with a bin number pinned to them. The t-shirts were rolled into logs, rubber-banded, and placed in the assigned bins below the display. But my eyes could only take in the ONE t-shirt in the middle of the wall. It was black and had a huge full moon in the front with these words:  “Be the moon.” With trembling hands, I pulled one of the shirts from that bin, and my hands traced the moon on the shirt. Then I turned it over to see the back and my jaw dropped as I read:  “Reflect the SON”….  TaDa!!! I know, right??? He LOVES to do that!  Boom! In your face, kingdom of darkness! I fell to my knees right there in the store, in awe as I realized that it truly was His Voice that spoke to my heart and made His request for my life….be a moon and reflect the S-O-N. Yes, I bought the t-shirt and wore it until it was faded and worn out, and then bought another. And YES, I wore it to Bible study the next week, underneath a jacket, so I could re-tell the story, and then reveal the shirt with a big “TaDa!!” 

And my Faith grew stronger as I began to get a glimpse into the nature of this King who was my Father….I have a dear friend who calls Him “the real Dad.” What an amazing Journey He was calling me into! Years later I can tell you that every single time I have heard His Voice speaking to me like that morning, it’s been with the same tone of love, kindness, and patience. If I’m hearing words of condemnation, contempt and especially discouragement, it’s not Him. And I don’t have to listen to that. His is the Voice that changes everything. And He had called me with tenderness into a Great Adventure, and I was in for the ride of my life! Was I strong enough to survive it? Time would tell…..but for today, I think I’ll wear my t-shirt and remember…. who I really am….