In my Journey back to His Heart for me, many songs have crossed  my path at just that perfect moment. You know what I mean? Songs that stop you in your tracks, or pick you up, cheer you on, or sometimes turn you completely around.

In fact, my Journey had started in 2003 when a friend shared the song “Build my world around Hope.” I found myself drawn like a magnet to iron, every time they sang the word “HOPE”.  (Hindsight being 20/20, I can see how He’s been dropping glimpses of HOPE from day one…bread crumbs leading steadily back to The Path….to become that Prisoner of Hope….)

And such was the moment of the song  “Before the Morning”, by Josh Wilson. It was in the Fall of 2011. A dear friend had a lovely little cabin in the woods in a lake community northeast of Dallas, and it was available that week-end for me….

I headed out. I was numb. I didn’t want to think or try to make sense of the war zone that was my home. As soon as I reached the highway, I slipped in a new CD that had come in the mail that day. It was from the “2011 Beloved Reign Conference” at Covenant Church.  I had only attended one of the sessions, so this CD was fresh and new for me. It was, of course, the message that I needed to hear…

Amie Dockery taught, in a beautiful and captivating style, about the transformation of the Monarch caterpillar to the butterfly….Ah-ma-zing lesson! The part that just broke me was when she described the process of transformation. The worm has surrendered itself, hung upside down on a branch, covered in its cocoon, in the dark, having a complete meltdown, with no idea how long the process would take. Its body is being completely melted and re-arranged and changed until there will be nothing from the original that could be recognized. It is being shaped and molded into an exquisitely beautiful creature. God spoke straight to my heart as she cried out, “Beloved, you’ve found yourself with your world upside down, in the dark, being crushed and melted, and you’re screaming GET ME OUT OF HERE! A place where everything you were is being Divinely disorganized! Everything you recognize about yourself is in meltdown mode! You’re hanging upside down in the dark and you have no idea where God is taking you. And you are screaming ‘what did I do wrong???’ But what if the Holy Spirit wants to say to you right now: ‘It’s not what you’ve done wrong, IT’S WHAT YOU DID RIGHT that has put you in this place! …. You’re about to come forth a beautiful Monarch butterfly and fulfill your purpose, spreading pollen from flower to flower throughout the kingdom!”

Tears spilled down my cheeks as she preached on, and I felt Hope stirring in my heart. I remember at that precise moment, I looked up and saw a water tower with the word “HOPE” painted on it…I’m not making this up….I’ve tried to locate the picture that I took, but it’s buried in my computer somewhere… When I googled it, there’s a town called “New Hope” and that may have been the one….

I drove on to the cabin and got settled in for the night…I remember I did not sleep well. My heart was heavy and hurting. And my mind so full of questions…

Early the next morning, sitting on the front porch steps with my coffee, those questions poured out of my heart to Him. The hard “WHY” questions. The Job questions that plead your case before Him. I obeyed You! I re-married this man You had chosen for me! And I thought we had a deal….I thought You had agreed that our lives would become the  “happily ever after” that I had dreamed of…why is it harder now than the first time?  He’s had six spinal surgeries, he’s in pain all the time, and he’s not the perfect Prince Charming I thought You had promised….and there’s no way out… Help me understand….  I poured it all out before Him, and then my eyes were drawn to the green vines covering the yard in front of me. The leaves were heart-shaped, and there were thousands of them….literally thousands…    I picked up my phone and snapped a picture to text to my BFF….then set the phone down beside me.  Without warning, music began pouring from my phone and a song began to play….the words speaking answers to the cries of my heart, and I was undone…

My friend, you know how this all ends, you know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there, so say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time
But you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
Come on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing

Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Isaiah 40:28-29 (NIV)
²⁸  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. ²⁹  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

…I went home with a bigger picture than just the snapshot I’d been viewing. I had been seen. My cries had been heard. And answered….there was a bigger Purpose ahead. I was strengthened. Heading back home with a Hope to dare to believe, Courage to fight the Good Fight, and Faith to hold on for the Morning that is coming….

God is Good….He has a Plan….and we are Loved….