So many treasures have been dropped into my path through the years…. Scriptures, songs, people, encounters…. So many times when I just could not take one more step, He would show up, making me smile or laugh out loud, strengthening my heart and cheering me on. And most of the time, it would catch me completely by surprise…I believe with all of my heart that He LOVES those moments the best — when our jaw drops in wonder, and our eyes wide open with delight….  Jesus said that the greatest in the Kingdom is a child…and He also said “unless you become like a little child, you can’t even SEE the Kingdom of Heaven…” (Matthew 18:3) A child will trust until they learn not to, and they will gaze at the wonders of the world with awe and delight….and He loves that! He created us for that! Those moments when child-like awe comes over me and I look up to heaven and laugh out loud with Him….and this is one of those stories.

This story is about a song. And clouds — lots of clouds. And Kansas City. Oh, and about hearts and Love…Unconditional Love.

I was feeling the need for a get-away from stress for the week-end…things were so difficult at home. Many times when I ran away for a trip or adventure, I would start out thinking that it was my idea and my plans — only to find in the end that Holy Spirit was directing every step, every mile, every breath, and that His Timing was Perfect. And I’d find the end goal would be to encounter Truth, to grasp another aspect of God’s Nature and His Relentless Love, and to come back home strengthened to fight the Good Fight…

And so I found myself in my car driving toward Kansas City. To visit IHOP … no, not the pancake house… the International House of Prayer. It’s a unique worship experience where young people worship, sing, read scriptures, and pray 24/7. I’d heard amazing things about it and this seemed like a good week-end for something amazing. I headed north. I needed to hear from Him. I needed answers. I wanted out….you know? This was one of those  desperate “HELP ME JESUS” trips. Why did life have to be so hard, why so much pain, if He’s really really a God of Love—why couldn’t He just wave His magic wand and make everything easier, right? And so I cried out, and yelled a little bit…well, actually quite a bit. I wanted permission to leave my home and start over somewhere. I wanted to be loved, to be held, to get my way some of the time….okay, most of the time….

Several hours into the trip, as my prayers were softening a little, I noticed a huge red heart on a billboard ad. It made me smile…I love hearts. Turns out, so does He. Suddenly I noticed a huge heart in a cloud to the west. And it was hard to keep my eyes on the road and then I saw clouds were building up all across the sky….and there was another heart in the clouds straight in front of me…I stopped my complaining as I caught sight of another, and another, and then another. I drove the rest of the way into Wichita, Kansas, and there were hearts every moment of the way! It was a delightful game of finding the next heart cloud, all the way into Wichita where I found lodging for the night.

What does love look like?”

And tears streamed from my eyes and soaked my shirt as the words sank deep, and I saw Him there, looking at me, looking straight through me. And I heard Him asking me to go back home, to show love even if it was not returned, to make myself vulnerable, “with arms wide open, heart exposed, and sometimes bleeding…” He was asking me to let Him love my husband through me, to win his heart to the King. Turns out it was not about me at all, but about the Kingdom, and about opening blinded eyes, setting captives free, sharing bread with the hungry….(Isaiah 58). And about being poured out for love….

I spent two days there with those worshipers, attended a service at their church Saturday night, soaked Him in and was strengthened to continue the Good Fight.

I was quieter on the trip home, and completely not excited about the assignment. Not convinced that I would be able to do what He was asking. I played movies on my laptop to keep my mind busy and to drown out Misty’s song that kept playing over and over in my heart… “you shall love Me, with arms wide open, heart exposed, and bleeding, sometimes bleeding”….  Not the path that I would have chosen….

And then I was crossing over into Texas.  And Love broke through….there He was again, in this giant thundercloud that was shaped like a hand, holding a heart that looked like it had been cut with a cookie-cutter and shoved into the cloud causing little dust cloud hearts to rise up around it….I reached for my phone, snapped the picture as I drove about 75 mph on the freeway heading home.  (sorry Mom 🙂  It’s the picture you see at the top of this post. And I smiled. And then I laughed out loud. And the cloud stayed with me for miles….  And then surrender came. And the Journey got sweeter.

And my King had captured my heart again. And my hubby had no idea what was coming his way…. And the enemy shuddered and exclaimed, “damn, she’s up again”…..